Big Problem

[AmarjitKaur]

To lot of problems (actually to all of them) the simple answer is ardas deep down from your heart and then have more than 100% faith that he is going to listen and solve your affairs.

That's all you need.and then let Guru Sahib do its wonders. He always does.

Its us humans who think I can do this or that. I can make things happen this way or that. That's where we lose, confidence on ourselves than having faith in Guru sahib.

[hsisingh]

Your wife wants to go from a religion that believes that she (as a woman) can be a religious 'priest' or anything else a man can if she wants to a religion 300 years behind us still refusing to acknowledge women human enough to become priests ? :o

Does she hate herself that much ?

And she wants her children to be in the hands of a religion that has itself acknowledged systematic sexual abuse of children.....with tacit approval and knowledge from the very top ? :o

Does she hate her own children that much ?

Whilst I can't claim to be an expert on sikhism or catholocism, your comments on the Catholic faith indicate a very flippant attitude to one of the World's great religions.

There are theological reasons as to why the leadership of the catholic faith does not allow the ordination of women as priests (look up Catechism # 1577)...and I guess at a very basic level, all the Gurus were male and I guess that tells us something too. How many female Sikh granthis have you met in West London??

And secondly, to describe child abuse by priests as having been with 'the tacit approval and knowledge from the very top' is deeply offensive and not becoming of a Sikh. It was only a few weeks ago that a Sikh granthi was convicted of sexual abuse in this country.

Treat other faiths with the respect that you would want them to show your faith.

[gurdssingh]

My wife lately has been telling me she wants to be catholic. She says the sikh community will never be accepting and she doesn't want to deal with it or have our children deal with it. Her cousin who visited recently also recommended that we go to church. I have tried to stay chardi kala, but I am at a loss. I know that God will accept my actions no matter what religion I am, but I love the gurus teachings so much and I want it to be the foundation I build my family around. I realize that much of the punjabi community doesn't always put them into practice, but that is true of every religion.

I think what she wants is community, which we could instantly have if we went to church, but what I want is something true to build my life on. This is such a frustrating situation and I am honestly getting a little fatigued with it. It now appears it would make everyone happy if I was to become catholic again, but I just don't believe it. I really don't know how it came to this, and I don't know what to do. Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to this at all?

Instead of asking random people on the net discuss with your wife and also both speak to your local giani or learned sikh at the gurdwara.

Sorry if i sound out of order but just read posts on this forum, most are from teenagers/twenty somethings who are not very clued up. Im not saying im wise i aint im just giving my personal advice, i am married to someone who is from non sikh background. I take both my kids gurdwara and they speak punjabi and have knowledge of sikhi for their age. End of the day you can only bring your kids up best you can. No parent wants their kids to not be sucessful and follow what you have instilled in them spritually but they will make their own mind up.

Most on this forum may disagree but you need to raise your kids as good humans firstly, then sikh or what ever religon. E.g. you were not raised as a sikh but found sikhi. Important thing is faith in god.

Also community is not religous based, im sure if you put yourselves out there people will embrace, well thats my experience, maybe there will be some who dont but there will be some who do.

[11Gurus1Jot]

Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

Singh Wales85, Don't forget there's always a Sikh Sangat for you, and for you wife, on this Site 24/7 365.

If there's anything you want to discuss, but do not want to share with everybody, then you can always PM one of the above Sikhs, or me, although my knowledge is limited.

There are also Sikh Organisations like Sikh Helpline 0845 644 0704 email info@sikhhelpline.com

:waheguru:

I take both my kids gurdwara and they speak punjabi and have knowledge of sikhi for their age. End of the day you can only bring your kids up best you can. No parent wants their kids to not be sucessful and follow what you have instilled in them

Wales85,

There's you answer above!

[West London Singh]

There are theological reasons as to why the leadership of the catholic faith does not allow the ordination of women as priests (look up Catechism # 1577)...and I guess at a very basic level, all the Gurus were male and I guess that tells us something too. How many female Sikh granthis have you met in West London??

I also haven't met any female sikh bus drivers but I'll be damned if the bus company have it as official policy that they can't do so because they are women.

I also haven't met any female sikh truck drivers but I'll be damned if Eddie Stobart have it as their official policy that they can't apply because they are women.

So what is your point exactly hsisingh ? Women, in Sikhi, can do absolutely everything that sikh men can do. That unique and complete sexual equality is not only way ahead of its time it is the number one thing about sikhism that non-sikhs find so good about sikhism. And then there's you......who actually thinks its a bad thing and we should keep the women chained to the cooker making currant buns for tea.

A sikh woman CAN become a granthi of her faith if she wants to. A Catholic woman can NOT become a priest of her faith even if she wants to because......she is a woman. And you actually think that is a good thing ? :o

And secondly, to describe child abuse by priests as having been with 'the tacit approval and knowledge from the very top' is deeply offensive and not becoming of a Sikh. It was only a few weeks ago that a Sikh granthi was convicted of sexual abuse in this country.

And how many times, when a sikh granthi has committed such a despicable act have the Akal Takht rallied round in support of the peadophile....refusing to get rid of him....refusing to condemn him ? I'll give you a clue....close both your hands into a fist and then count how many fingers you have up. Thats right...none. zero. Zilch. Never have the supreme authority tolerated such disgusting behaviour. Now turn your attention to the catholic church. While doing so, also look up the meaning of the word 'tacit'. Then come back to me with your nonsense.

[Only five]

Sikhs are above and beyond being human beings. To be a human being is to be an atheist, that lives out for his, his families, and those who are closest to them best interest. They only have compassion when it favors them and practice humility as a tool to advance in life. If you want to see a human being in action, look at young promicious generation of today in the west and the older generation that only hold to morality and committment because the old structures of religion (Christianity) are still affecting their lives. Among these humans the divorce rates are the highest, one reason being because they can't make committments and now because they believe holding monogamous relationships is a joke. The idea of family does not exist in these individuals, instead they have adopted a new definition of family, where they believe boyfriend and girlfriend is a family.

Say, they do practice good conduct and all as human beings. But they still don't have the one element that makes all of life worth a jewel, which is Akaal Purakh. Sikhs raise there kids as Sikhs because Sikhi is not lacking in anything. Sikhi teaches the basic fundamental teachings that young kids need. Satguru is complete, no need to down grade to being a human to learn these basic rules of life.

[Sikhistan]

Wales, from your posts for the past few months, i would definitely say that you are already much better sikh than majority of punjabi sikhs we see around. You need to keep in touch with right sangat and sadly sometime that takes time. Maybe some young couple from this forum may get in touch with you guys and help each other out. We desperately need peer support group. It is just sad that we punjabis don't feel the importance of that.. Majority of us are too close minded one sided selfish.

Let me know (either PM or reply here) which city you are from and we can help you in getting touch with someone who are are the same path as you guys are.

[Kharkooartsy]

...and I guess at a very basic level, all the Gurus were male and I guess that tells us something too. How many female Sikh granthis have you met in West London??

the gurus were male and belonged to a "higher" caste... they stood up for women and got rid of the belief that other castes are inferior.

they put bhagats from all castes in guru granth sahib ji.

it was important for someone who was of higher caste to say to people THAT EVERYONES EQUAL!! that THERE IS NO CASTE SYSTEM and it was important for them to be a Male!! because at that time female werent looked down upon like low caste people. Who was going to listen to a woman of low caste?

and btw there is a female granthi cant find her video but theres a video of her where she talks about giving plants in parshaad... so punjab could be green again

[Wales85]

thanks for all the comments guys. I have agreed to go to mass with my wife today instead of Gurdwara mainly as a method of appeasement. I think she will be disappointed, but I think continuing to fight her on this will only make it worse. Better to let her see it and evaluate the situation herself. The social situation will appear to her in church, but like me she is a pure monotheist at heart and I think she will be turned off by the consecration of the host.

I also have a good plan of how to handle this that I will be putting into effect very soon.

Its not easy to try and create a sikh family, but I think it was a lot harder to do when muslims were cutting sikh's throats and waging war against them... so I really have no reason to complain. I just want to get this nice and sorted out before I have kids so that their identity remains intact. Does anyone have some advice about how I can better get involved in my gurdwara? I try to help out at langar when I can, but do you think the granthis would be receptive to my interest?( I am trying to take your advice gurdssingh) I was thinking of inviting them over for dinner... but I am a bet wary. I have heard that some of these punjabi granthis are here for the visa, and I think a big let down could really push this thing over the brink with my wife.

wjkk wjkf

[SunSingh]

Some people go to gurdwara to learn and move forward, others to do nindya, gossip, have fun. so some benefit, while others leave with your paap on their head after doing nindya. all sangats have this mixture of "good" and the "bad", including catholic sangats. even in sants sangat you will find this. it's a game, the point is to ignore the bad and gain what lahaa we can.

do an ardass from the heart with full faith mahaaraj will answer you, and we will. stay true to your atma and don't betray your amrit vows. and start trying to do more paath at home with your wife. sometimes people need a boost of internal strength to stay the course, and that comes from bani. maybe start having a kirtan program or sukhmani sahib at home every week or so and invite some people from the gurdwara. there are a lot of proper sikhs out there who don't judge based on race, but who also don't socialise just to socialise much. by havin a dharmic activiity at the centre of the socialisation it may be easier to break the ice.