Marriage, The Perception Of Beards And Turbans, And The Future Of Our Religion (My Story)

[VanHelsingh]

i have seen many sikhs advising here on this site not to get married.If this is going to happen then Sikhism will automatically cease to exist in 20-30 years as their will be no younger generation

People are afraid of being burnt. But like samosasingh says, dedicate yourself to a Gursikh life and things begin to fall into place.

[kds1980]

People are afraid of being burnt. But like samosasingh says, dedicate yourself to a Gursikh life and things begin to fall into place.

But he is also saying stay un married and I have seen several times on this site people have started promoting staying single.There is nothing wrong in being unmarried but if you promote this lifestyle then say good bye to your religion,society , culture because in 2-3 decades everything will cease to exist on its own

[VanHelsingh]

But he is also saying stay un married and I have seen several times on this site people have started promoting staying single.There is nothing wrong in being unmarried but if you promote this lifestyle then say good bye to your religion,society , culture because in 2-3 decades everything will cease to exist on its own

You'll have to take that up with him.

In my opinion, remaining unmarried is a bit drastic. But for some people, life is one struggle after another. Surviving from day to day is a victory in itself. The last thing on their mind is the survival of their race or their religion. Sad as that sounds its true.

But like I said, the ideal solution is to find a life partner.

[OhTwadi]

I can sort of relate to the OP.

As many of you know, I started lifting weights early. If memory serves me correctly, I was the only Punjabi guy in my year who had gained some muscle as a consequence of weight training. I strictly remember, being told by many of my not so religious friends that if I didn't have a pugh, girls would line up every where I went. But, lucky for me, such things didn't bother me much. Looking back at it, am I glad and thank Satguru Jee for keeping me that way

[Harpreet_Singh]

I haven't gone through the replies so my apologies if someone has already said this. In my opinion this issue might revolve more around what type of girl you are looking for. If you are looking for the typical 'punjabi' girl, I'm sorry but someone who ties their beard and has a dastaar is not what they are generally looking for.

If you are looking to marry a singhnee, or someone who is strong in their sikhi, the also might not be looking for a sardaar who ties his beard. You might be stuck in no man's land my friend.

There are some girls who don't mind marrying a sardaar with a tied beard, we have all seen this before. But the options seem a lot more limited.

My suggestion would be to open your dhardi, make your sikhi visible physically, try to get introduced to an amritdari bibi, or someone who is 'religious', and take it from there.

Reality is singhnees aren't attracted to the tied dhardi, and punjabi girls arent either.

Also, try going through family and friends to meet someone, doing it on your own rarely works.

[esingh]

Excellent posts mentioned so far and I agree. Self confidence is the key and paa ji your post tells the complete opposite. Keep your head up and wear your dastar and dhari with pride. The right lady will come along. Why would you ever want to change yourself over the petty desires of a girl who has no attachment to Sikhi?

Head high sher, head high.

[samosasingh]

Dear Friends,

We all have our opinions and do certain things in life for the right or wrong reasons. This leads us to have our own personal views on situations in life.

You are right - for certain people marriage is the right thing and for others marriage isn't the right thing. It is so very complicated, as complicated as God. Each of us have our own Karams to work through, and those karams create the situations of our life. So we all view the same things in a different light based on what we have to learn or pay off.

Although you may see more people saying don't get married, it is just there experience and people will continue to get married, so not to worry. In 20-30 years there will still be Sikhs around in abudant numbers. The quality of those Sikhs however, that only God knows.

One poster noted a good point - there is a big difference between the everyday Punjabi girl from a sikh background and those who are of a religious mindset. For the most part the everyday Punjabi girl from a sikh background does not want the turbanned sardar. They want Jazzy B or whatever film star type tough guy jatt guy etc, etc. So you wil encounter troubled waters looking there because there mindset and values are different. They don't care aboput this turban, they need fad and fashion and need to fit into society. Very shallow people, better to stay away. The problem is they have the hottest bodies and tightest clothes and seem to be the most appealing. It is solely the sex drive that is behind it all, the cause of man's downfall.

It is almost like you have the outward appearance of a Sikh but really want the bling bling lifestyle on the inside. This is the crisis Sikh boys are facing. In the old days (I am taliking up to around the mid 90's), it wasn't so bad. Now we have a real crisis, because deep down we don't want to be religious and are happy being sunday sikhs. So why would a girl want someone who is a full-time turban wala when she herself is part-time. Can you see the conflict? This is the main crisis. We really don't educate the youth and the youth don't want to be educated in Sikhi and learn. So when they fall into these types of life crisis, they start to blame the turban and sikhi, etc, etc. You see if you read Gurbani - women, wealth, power and praise - are what everybody wants and they will become weak from a dharam perspective to gain those things as they feel that is everything. The turban was supposed to be the outside appearance of those who are soul searching. It has become just a thing that for those who are religious they children must have and don't provide any guidance as per gurbani on what life really is and the goals. Then the problem arises if the youth really want to take on the goals of soul searching, mostly it is a no. It only happens when it happens, can't be forced.

You see the outside influence (of maya) is very grand, very grand. Inside of us when we see the gora with the hot chick and he is getting laid (or the perception of such) or we see that the chicks are attracted to not us the turbans but clean cut man, we start to doubt what we are doing and we think why we are not attractive and how are we going to become so. So we start this process of "cleaning ourselves up" and are weakining our spirit because we are running after the women and not the truth. We haven't taken the time to search ourselves and we haven't decided what we are doing, we are just wearing the turban for the sake of wearing it and not living the way of life. So when we see those things we really want deep down inside, we don't know how to handle it because we really only want just that (a hot girl so we can get laid) and the frustration comes out against the turban and its perception in society.

I hope you can see the 2 different ways of life here and how they are conficting each other and causing you torment. If you wear the turban there has to be a sikh way of life otherwise when your faith is tested (everybody's is) you will run into trouble and blame sikhi for your own lack of knowledge.

I will be honest with you you will never be accepted in today's society and especially not by women if you have a turban. You need to know that, this is what we call "Niayara" or those that are different and stand out and not after the regular social norms. You are trying to be mainstream and get mainstream meat, but the turban will never allow that. You have to decide how you want to live. Every decision has its own consequences. You must read gurbani and everything will become clear as to what the concequences for each way of life.

All of this singh is king movies and mr.singh competitions and promote the turban to mainstream youth that it is fashionable, etc, etc is all BS. It's sole purpose is to divide your attention AWAY from what you should be doing as a Sikh and to try and get you guys some self confidence with the chicks. No other purpose. Look at Punjab (today it is ther land of the <banned word filter activated>) where they hold these things, it doesn't inspire youth to better themselves and soul search it is only a PR gimmick to get more people with turbans who still are devoid of divine knowledge, just a numbers game and PR game. Look at the movies the plot is the same hot chick in tight clothes falling in love this time with a turban guy who still acts stupid (running after women again). It gives a false sense of pride to mainstream turban people who still only want to get laid and could care less about sikhi. Mostly in punjab these turban training centres are for mona's who like to tie turbans when they feel like it and it has to be perfect with all the folds nicely tied. So some guy who has there hair comes and see'e this guy as a part time turban tier, why would he stay full time when he can have the best of both worlds? The turban when he feels like it and the chick appeal the rest of the time. You see the backwards thinking of the the jatts (sorry to say this is the culture from that clan)which has spread within our panth.

So long story short do the right things for the right reasons and you won't encounter the problems you are facing. I really do feel for you, we all need to go through this cleansing process in order to understand life and not let it pass away in the pursuit of materila which will eventually fade away and you will be left with no more than hurt and sadness......

For the original poster - not to worry there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You may need to just re-think your life...........open for comments

[Jonny101]

Samosa Singh Jee, you have really opened my eyes. I fully agree with everything you have written. This post was really in touch with reality and Gurmat. You may have written it casually but your last post has really changed my out look of this world.

[harinder kaur]

ਦਸਤਾਰ ਨਾਲ ਤੇਰੀ ਸਰਦਾਰੀ ਖਾਲਸਾ

ਰਖ ਇਹਨੂ ਜਾਨ ਤੋ ਪਿਆਰੀ ਖਾਲਸਾ

ਜਦੋ ਤੂੰ ਸਜਾਵੇ ਦਸਤਾਰ ਸੀਸ ਤੇ

ਬਾਜਾਂ ਵਾਲਾ ਦੀਂਦਾ ਏ ਪਿਆਰ ਸੀਸ ਤੇ

[DustOfTheSaintsFeet]

I see anxiety and desire in many of these posts- what happened to killing the mind through attuning ourselves to the truth of naam and in Samadhi where we just feel the Truth within our being without the Bulls*t of the mind.

Our Guru Harkrishan Ji only lived a few years, Guru Gobind Singh Jis beautiful Children died on the battlefield in their youth, Jesus accepted his matyrdom of being nailed to a cross whilst alive, still feeling the pain, our Guru Ji accepted being burned alive on a hot plate, he loved God so much that he accepted his fate gracefully without a single complaint- A love like that is what God wants us to feel- A pure True Love without logic, for the world we see and feel is false- there is no logic to it's creation or workings, only a feeling of pure Unconditional Love- we are able to find god through the heart and yet there is no heart- do you not see that there is no logic in this, there is no explaining a phenomenon like this, it is Truly Beyond the Mind for the mind is limited and keeps us chained to the limits and darkness of maya as it's slave.

Who cares if we die without marrying, or if girls who are filled with darkness and the evil of ignorance do not pay you attention, we're not here to create more attachments, we're here to break free from them- embracing matyrdom means to throw all worldly knowledge, all the logic out of the window- our deaths could come at any moment- the demons of Kalyug(humans) have become complacent, greedy and attached- it is the mindset and deeds of a realms residents that make it what it is, and the mindsets of humans are demonic hence we are called demons in Gurbani..

If it's in Gods will for one to marry then one will, but living a married life is the same for a Gurmukh as living a life being single, the bandgi wil still exist for every moment you will be overcoming tests of your affiliation to maya(including the darkness of attachment to spouse- detachment is the way) while learning new lessons. Gurbani says the home is the deepest darkest Hell for a reason but living in such a hell as gurmukh is rewarding as it is from the most darkness that the most light is able to penetrate through and the same goes for Kalyug itself.

Desire is the Sole Reason that we are stuck in the cycle of births and deaths- Hence the Silencing of the Mind which is actually the Ego(by attuning onself to Truth/naam) is our way out for without ego there would be no desire- for what could a being Without form, image, Affiliations To Anything possibly want?

This is what we truly are, we are drops in the ocean of God, made of the same stuff, No Image, No Nothing, just Love and fearlessness(Nirboa and Nirvair, a Fearless Love- they are gifted in equal measure simultaneously, hence the more fearless we are the more we Truly love). A logical love is limited becuase as stated before the mind i.e Logic i.e desire ie. Black Demon of Ego is what limits us and binds us to maya in it's slavery, an illogical love is the only way one is able to embrace the Hot Plate of Martyrdom for as long as the logic/mind/desire exists, we embrace false fear, selfishness and self pity.

Anything that desires Anything has an Ego i.e sense of I. Surrender to the Guru means wiping away the self completely, it is not a half trade, it's All or nothing(no jivan mukti without complete self effacement, acceptance of gurbani and application of the gyan- giving tan man dhan)- forget about your looks/image, family and friends/attachments and all the other distractions(anything and everything with an image- trees, people, clothes, wealth etc) maya has to offer, what will be will be according to god, if He wants to marry you off, he will, if he decides your spouses karam is for her to die the day of your wedding, that will happen and so and so forth, when the mind dies, you'll just live in and Accept(True Love) His hukam fearlessly.