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On 9/4/2020 at 9:35 AM, learningkaur said:

There’s a lot of users out there but it’s upbringing.
Parents who act like users and show their kids this behaviour will have kids who mimic it. Same with talking about other people, jealousy, obsessed with money etc. 
 

That would mean all punjabi parents then.

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23 minutes ago, ipledgeblue said:

lol I remember in my undergrad uni days. I had an dumalla wearing "Singhni" on my MSN messenger. She asked me to come to one of these rehnsbais, and yeh she  was definitely interested in me. She had not even take Pahul / Amrit, but she liked wearing dumalla. Actually asking further questions she told me she had an ex boyfriend as well! During my undergrad life I came across another keski wearing Singhni in Canada who had ran off with a mona boyfriend. And at uni sikh society and other London unis there were Singhnis wearing dumallas or keski, and I am sure some of them had some kind of rep, even if just making boyfriends but still...

 

Wow. Here, if you go to the gurdwara often and get caught having a boyfriend, you'll never hear the end of it, and your parents will have it extremely tough by others around them.

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On 8/31/2020 at 6:15 PM, MisterrSingh said:

Advice to young Singhs entering the marriage arena: wake up. You're being taken for 1diots. Use your grey matter instead of your lustful feelings to help make these serious life decisions. You cannot be deceived by these girls if your eyes are open. If you're genuinely seduced by the sight of a dumalla, and assume a Singhni is rehatvaan purely on the basis of her looking the part, then you need to enter the real world.

I think we have a catch 22 situation here. First thing is that being around a wide range of humans (including females) from a young age and keeping your eyes open and wits about you will make you more astute about these things (an older 'streetwise' peer can also play a big part in this). But the type of bundhay under questions are usually closeted and told to keep away from females (until the matter of marriage comes up), stunting their development of this Charitrio Pakyaan type understanding.

Given this, it's hard to imagine them not being highly susceptible to falling into similar situations.   

Females are in the same predicament which explains why so many fall into seriously dubious situations.  

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23 hours ago, Kaurr said:

Wow. Here, if you go to the gurdwara often and get caught having a boyfriend, you'll never hear the end of it, and your parents will have it extremely tough by others around them.

well why are they doing this boyfriend nonsense in the first place? IT is good to see some families have enough respect to understand this is disruptive behaviour, and helps those who get caught up in it to understand!

17 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think we have a catch 22 situation here. First thing is that being around a wide range of humans (including females) from a young age and keeping your eyes open and wits about you will make you more astute about these things (an older 'streetwise' peer can also play a big part in this). But the type of bundhay under questions are usually closeted and told to keep away from females (until the matter of marriage comes up), stunting their development of this Charitrio Pakyaan type understanding.

Given this, it's hard to imagine them not being highly susceptible to falling into similar situations.   

Females are in the same predicament which explains why so many fall into seriously dubious situations.  

I was at that age once, and I know the younger you are the more you are attracted to looks than to personality and other traits.

That is why when elders used to arranged marriages young, it meant that those youngsters could grow up together and have good traits, instead of just trying to look good!

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3 hours ago, ipledgeblue said:

 

I was at that age once, and I know the younger you are the more you are attracted to looks than to personality and other traits.

That is why when elders used to arranged marriages young, it meant that those youngsters could grow up together and have good traits, instead of just trying to look good!

I think a bunch of chemicals/hormones kick in that can totally skew your perceptions - it's like being on drugs.

I guess that's also one reason why some people cling onto dysfunctional abusive 'relationships' when they would run a mile if they could perceive their own situation with some measure of objectivity. 

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2 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think a bunch of chemicals/hormones kick in that can totally skew your perceptions - it's like being on drugs.

Drugs and the poly peptide chains that are either the product or cause of our emotions, depending on your perspective, fit into the same brain receptors. It really is like we are intoxicated with emotions. 

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