I am stuck and really need someone to guide me

[Koi]

On a more broader level, it's important to understand that mistakes can happen at any time. What makes a difference is the persons ability to admit the mistake, apologise and make it right, ensure they never do it again, and your ability to forgive.

Even though I'm not married (which is probably why I can afford to spend a lot of time on this forum !) I've had many people talk to me about their relationship and marital issues. And after a while, you do notice a pattern, especially with the issue you've highlighted. 

Firstly it's important not to sweat the small stuff. Listening to music etc., as long as she's loyal to you and not messing you around, then that's cool. As far as her past is concerned, you need to draw a line, for her and for yourself. As long as her past stays in the past, then all good. However, if she's still talking to her ex or other guys, then that's where you need to speak out. No compromise. 

Hope this helps bro

[Ranjeet01]

49 minutes ago, Koi said:

On a more broader level, it's important to understand that mistakes can happen at any time. What makes a difference is the persons ability to admit the mistake, apologise and make it right, ensure they never do it again, and your ability to forgive.

Even though I'm not married (which is probably why I can afford to spend a lot of time on this forum !) I've had many people talk to me about their relationship and marital issues. And after a while, you do notice a pattern, especially with the issue you've highlighted. 

Firstly it's important not to sweat the small stuff. Listening to music etc., as long as she's loyal to you and not messing you around, then that's cool. As far as her past is concerned, you need to draw a line, for her and for yourself. As long as her past stays in the past, then all good. However, if she's still talking to her ex or other guys, then that's where you need to speak out. No compromise. 

Hope this helps bro

"However, if she's still talking to her ex or other guys, then that's where you need to speak out. No compromise. "

When a woman like this has kept contact with ex and other guys, what this means is that she has orbiters.

It means that she maybe not serious about her marriage and has these guys as a back up plan.

It is said that you should be wary of women that have only male friends and no female friends.

 

[Kaurr]

1 hour ago, Ranjeet01 said:

It is said that you should be wary of women that have only male friends and no female friends.

But sometimes hanging out with males is a bit better than hanging out with females. Too much drama with most females these day. With most males, you can actually have a proper conversation about something interesting. But I get where you're coming from. 

[PuzzledToo]

Trust your gut instinct.Our subconscious processes information at a much higher rate than our conscious mind and this translates into instinct etc.If you feel by how she treats you that her behavior is going to get worse might as well bail out before things get more complicated.If you feel you have been cheated and you don't like it might as well act on it now instead of coming back from work one fine day and see her engaged in bedroom acrobatics with another person.Not accusing but anything is possible in this age.

It could be possible that the truth she has revealed to you is only the tip of the iceberg that shes letting out to make her feel better and to cover her tracks so no one is tempted to look into her past.You think shes been all honest with you and put things to rest while she can now use this confession in every argument you guys have to justify her actions and prove her honesty.Do whatever that makes you happy.Don't be tied up to traditions or choose to suck it up or else you are going to live a living hell with no dignity and might resort to alcohol/drugs to cope.This is your life and only you know what you're going through so be strong,make a decision and implement it.

Just remember you are NOT the one at fault here.

p/s- how much did your entire wedding cost? just asking for R&D purposes.

[Ranjeet01]

2 hours ago, Kaurr said:

But sometimes hanging out with males is a bit better than hanging out with females. Too much drama with most females these day. With most males, you can actually have a proper conversation about something interesting. But I get where you're coming from. 

The type of women who like to hang around groups of guys know that they will get attention that they won't get hanging around other women.

There is a pecking order with women based on who is the prettiest and who is the slimmest. 

Have you ever noticed that prettier and slimmer girls tend to have chubbier friends? It is to make themselves look good. 

Attention is the coin of the realm in girl world. 

[MisterrSingh]

6 hours ago, Kaurr said:

But sometimes hanging out with males is a bit better than hanging out with females. Too much drama with most females these day. With most males, you can actually have a proper conversation about something interesting. But I get where you're coming from. 

This interaction depends on the category of male. If the males in question are viewed, almost on an instinctive level by the female, as figurative brothers or a male "saheli" (i.e. non-threatening in the sense of there being zero chance of attraction between the various parties) then perhaps you might get away with it. Otherwise, even the so-called lowest quality male will assume the girl / woman is "interested" in him, because that's how the average male brain works, lol.

[Guest Jigsaw_Puzzled_Singh]

On 8/31/2020 at 9:29 PM, Guest Sensible said:

She must be cheating on the previous  guy that’s why he didn’t trust her. May be she is a habitual liar or something! There is definitely something wrong here. If she is young, like in her twenties, then she is probably been experimenting a lot.  Do you know, I have seen a few of these turbaned women and their behaviour is nowhere near enough to be described as respectful or decent. They come across as very cheap women. I don’t know what is it about them. Their body language and their actions don’t seem right to me. Yeh, why is she listening to punjabi songs that make references to alcohol, sex or flirtations! Why is she listening to punjabi i songs in the first place? They are not any better then the Bollywood or Pop songs. They are plain filth. Their lyrics and tunes are so disgustingly cheap and full of degrading innuendos that no one in their right minds would like to listen to. 
 

No, no and no again. You don’t love each other at all. You my friend are infatuated with her and she knows it. She is using you to continue with her horrible  behaviour to annoy you. Infatuation is a very bad thing. She means it when she says she is not going to change herself because of you! She is trying to change you instead. I hope she is not a secret drinker! She is probably trying to change you by introducing these kinds of songs so you will loose your focus on becoming a good sikh. Drinking is horrible, and songs that relate to it should be declared as criminal. There is nothing pretty or clever or romantic about drinking. It is sh** even if it is only sung about or expressed in many different poetic meters or verses or rhyming couplets. 

Put the past behind you and move forward by speaking to your parents and in-laws. They might be able to sort it out for you. Be strong don’t loose confidence. 

 

Hey 'Guest(s)'.  I'm not a gambling man by any stretch of the imagination but if a gun was put to my head and I was forced to place one bet this is what it would be:

I would bet that you are a student of Psychology who absolutely adores the opportunity to write down what you've learned. When that opportunity doesn't arise you create that opportunity by first of all starting a thread with a made-up moral dilemma story and then posting a response to that moral dilemma / problem that you yourself made up in the first place. I've noticed this same modus operandi on numerous 'advice' threads popping up all over this forum. Normally, the object of the endeveour is the chance to articulate a particular feeling you have. In this present example I put it to you that the whole elaborate charade was created specifically so that posts rubbishing the character of dastar wearing women could be articulated. You may have others fooled here but I'm on to you 

[Ranjeet01]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

This interaction depends on the category of male. If the males in question are viewed, almost on an instinctive level by the female, as figurative brothers or a male "saheli" (i.e. non-threatening in the sense of there being zero chance of attraction between the various parties) then perhaps you might get away with it. Otherwise, even the so-called lowest quality male will assume the girl / woman is "interested" in him, because that's how the average male brain works, lol.

In regards to a male saheli. 

Girls have boyfriends and girlfriends. If you are male saheli, you are her girlfriend. 

[jkvlondon]

On 9/2/2020 at 4:44 PM, Guest Gurminder said:

she should have stated prior to marriage!

And when you consumated marriage u should have known some body else has been here.

and if the girl is a rape/abuse victim should she tell any number of possible suitors? please think about cases that don't involve wayward character. and not always true, about that ask a doctor.

[Koi]

To the Original Poster. 

You've seen all the various views of everyone. As you can see, this type of situation can polarise the sangat in terms of their views. And at the end of the day, you just gotta go with whats right for you and make it work.

Let us know how you get on bro. All the best